Seven years ago, I was in the same position I am now.
There’s a saying, “It’s not about the money; the money just keeps the score,” and if that’s true, then I’m definitely losing.
I am very much behind.
But what happened seven years ago that has any relevance to today? I clearly didn’t learn anything new. I clearly didn’t change my behavior, and if I did, it certainly wasn’t for the better.
The same mistakes I made nearly ten years ago, I’m making now.
The thing is, I can see that the solution is focus.
You have to focus your money.
You need a goal, but you also have to make a living.
That’s the one thing about entrepreneurship they don’t tell you. I mentored alongside some of the smartest and wealthiest business owners and entrepreneurs in San Francisco, and the one lesson I never learned was that you have to make a living.
Making a living is not a choice; it’s a requirement.
I can definitively say I know what happened to me. I can specifically pinpoint how my depression hurt me. I know what brought it on, and I am keenly aware of the disastrous effect it’s has had on my finances.
- I can’t do anything about being alone on my birthday.
- I’m not good at relationships.
- I’m not good at building intimacy.
- I can’t do anything about having a bad boss.
- I can’t do anything about being ghosted.
- I certainly can’t do anything about the fact that my friend died.
Who I am is both my greatest weakness and my biggest asset.
The only thing I can do is plan for the future.
I have to figure out how to make a living—and keep making one.
I keep trying to find some good advice. If I were to step outside myself and treat myself as a good friend, what would I say to me? What advice would I give her?
There are some key facts I can’t ignore. Just as I am the cause and the cure, so is money. I can’t describe what it feels like to know that a few thousand dollars could literally save your life.
It makes you not want to live, knowing you can’t make a living.
It’s even worse when you realize the callous disregard with which people gamble with your life—they hire other people, they fire you, they make your work life hell, knowing how vital it is to your safety.
That’s sick and twisted.
I do have thoughts about not being here anymore. This life has felt cruel. It has felt fictional. Your friends are not your friends; you are no one’s “someone,” and that’s painful to accept.
Yet, part of me knows I can’t end it all over money. I can’t let my million-dollar ideas die just because they’re in the tank right now.
My new rules of life are:
- You deserve better – raise your standards
- Put yourself and your needs first
- Focus on your goals and dreams
- Making a life means making a living – never sacrifice money
- Keep going. You’re too good to quit.
- Meet more people
- Trust your instincts
- Be as visible as you can
- Money is power, and you need power. Power is good, and you need it.
It won’t always be like this, so take it all in stride.
Nothing is permanent.
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