You’re not a failure, let’s start there.
When you reach a certain age and have nothing to show for your time on earth except memories of good times, it’s easy to consider yourself a failure. It feels like rock bottom when there’s no money in the bank.
Money, or the lack of it, can make even major accomplishments seem meaningless. Who cares what you did yesterday if today your accounts are overdrawn, your bills are overdue, you’re behind on rent, and you’re surviving on less than $500 a week?
Success is one of the last words you would use to describe your life up until now. That’s what society wants you to think. It’s the binary measurements of value that mess us up. Failure is often the path to success.
History is full of rags-to-riches stories. Rejections can eventually lead to revelations. But it doesn’t feel that way when it’s happening to you. When you think you’re missing out on what life has to offer because you can’t afford to indulge, it hurts.
Everything Is a Lesson and a Blessing
I don’t believe in silver linings. The ‘everything happens for a reason’ philosophy isn’t something I buy into. When life sucks, it sucks, and the reason often feels arbitrary. It’s just a lesson and a blessing, that’s it. You’re getting direct information from the Universe that this isn’t it. And that’s all you need to know.
At the bottom, it’s easy to believe everything you’ve ever done in life was for nothing. Instead of believing that you’re a capable and talented person, which you’ve proved that many times.
Reflect on the times you’ve picked yourself up from nothing. Remind yourself that yes, it’s disheartening to be here again (maybe not this low but low enough). Instead of believing you’re destined to have nothing, that this is the true north of your life, step outside of yourself and retell the story.
When you decide you’re ready for a new life and step outside of your old story, look back at that older version of yourself and remember.
What Are Your Life Highlights?
Didn’t she get a job in fifteen days, land an investor for her client, lead two marketing departments, and always get any man she ever wanted?
Isn’t she the person others admire because she’s smart, talented, funny, and confident?
Isn’t she the person who pulled herself out of deep depression more times than she can count?
The person who started a business with no experience? The list goes on.
It’s tempting to take responsibility for life’s failures but not its successes. It’s hard to resist self-hate when the world only measures you by today’s standards. Where you are now is seen as the sum of everything you’ve ever been, but that math is so flawed.
Here’s where the fantasy falls apart: No one truly knows what you’re going through.
Even if they know every detail of your situation, they still can’t fully understand it. You can’t make people feel your pain any more than you can make them see your talent. But if you can’t see your talent for yourself, that’s a bigger problem.
You Are Whoever You Tell Yourself You Are
People don’t see the truth; they see what you believe. Sometimes not even that. It’s your responsibility to keep moving forward, telling the story you want to tell. It’s your responsibility to ignore perceived failures and focus on what has made you successful so far.
If you don’t want to be where you are, don’t be there mentally. Keep looking for that way out. You only fail when you quit.
And you, my friend, have never been a quitter.
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