Whatever you did before to become who you are now won’t get you to the next level. It’s time to take all that education and life learning and transform into a new identity.
It’s probably happened more times than I recall, but I remember the first time I felt the gap—the space between a new version of you and the you you’ve always been. It happened with extreme resistance after I moved to San Francisco.
I had always harbored a secret desire to take care of myself, to be responsible for me. Growing up, I’d experienced the nagging feeling of being a burden on everyone.
I wanted the freedom and reward of taking care of myself to prove it wasn’t as hard or stressful as everyone had made it out to be. I wasn’t a burden at all, but until I moved to San Francisco—even having had a full-time, decent-paying job before—it was only there that I became truly independent.
That’s when the gap started to widen, and I realized I wasn’t the incapable, dependent person everyone had painted me as. It turned out that in San Francisco, I was smarter and more capable than I’d ever been given credit for.
It turned out that in San Francisco, I was quite extraordinary and possibly even “that bitch.”
The difference between her and the new me was stressful and uncomfortable. I was in a new world where I had to demand more. I required more respect and a new standard to match this new version of me, and I could feel the old me fading away.
Maybe it felt like grief, but it was sad, exciting, and scary all at once.
The last time I was that girl was almost ten years ago, and now even she is no longer. The person I am today knows that her standards are constantly rising. She knows she isn’t interested in basic behavior, treatment, or experiences.
The new her is smart, funny, feminine, and lighthearted. She laughs loudly, expresses herself, and is freer and more confident in her existence. She is empathetic to who she was before but couldn’t be more unrecognizable.
But now I am not me; I am her.
I am someone else entirely.
I am someone who had an incredibly peaceful childhood, someone who is always accepted and loved, someone who knows their worth and believes that good things are always happening.
- She is a believer in herself and her wealth.
- She doesn’t beg the Universe, or God, for favor.
- She knows that she is highly favored and what she has to offer can never be denied and is no longer delayed.
- She has taken up a new discipline and is committed to beauty, joy, and excellence.
- When I changed identities, I stepped into a new world where the connections I used to have and the friendships I used to sustain meant little to nothing.
They didn’t pass the test. How are you supposed to feel when you realize you were denied everything you needed, wanted, or deserved?
I feel that they are strangers to me.
She didn’t get what she needed, and that’s sad, but she is no longer her. The woman that you didn’t deserve is gone, and here I am in her place. Unaware of the pain and hurt because it never happened to me. That person has let the burden go and put down the mantle of victimhood. She gave it a rest.
She retired, and now here I am in her place.
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